ehsase del-tangi..

ye zare ehsase del-gereftegi mikonam ke fekr kardam biyam be luneii ke dorost karde budam do khat benevisam halam behtar beshe. neveshtan hamishe behem komak karde. kheili vaghte ke dorost o hesabi neminevisam. in khatte ham ke modelesh az un khat gerdalihaaiiye ke man kheili dust nadaram! dast-khate khodam deraz-deraaziye.
alo alo.. in ham ke horufe kuchike ahmaghan!

ye juri hichkoodoomeshun erzaa`am nemikone! begzarim..
moddate pish harruz mashghule khar-khuni budam. in hafte ke tatilam ehsaase puchi mikonam. hamash hich kaari nadaram. daram sai mikonam baz ye kaari peida konam ke vaghtaam por shan. az hafteye dige terme jadid shoroo mishe va man omidvaram ke betunam do ta kelaasi ke mikhaam ro begiram. do ta kelaasi ke chon do ta emtehaan ro "naraftam bedam" momkene natunam begiram! che hemaaghati!! chand mah baraashun dars khundam vali naraftam bedameshun!!ellat?! faghat tanbali dar un ruze khaas!! che hemaaghati!! nemikhaam baa ehsase pashimuni in ghaziye ro baraa khodam compensate konam.. vali hemaaghat bud! mordeshure in ehsaasaate mano bebaran ke baraa kaaraaye aslim kheili vaghtaa saddan! bayad ru khodam kaar konam ke ye noke suzan Discipline dashte basham..kheire saram ham ke tu alman zendegi mikonam!!


in akhare hafte ke Easter e pasha o pashmak ro baraaye avvalin bar mikhaam bebarameshun ba khodam khuneye tante Ursula. do saat o nim ba mashin raahe va hich mojude zendegii haal nemikone do saat o nim tuye ghafas beshiner. az hala delam gerefte vali mikhaam ye bar in kaar ro bokonam. laazeme! Pashmak Transport Box ro ke mibine dar mire. enghadde ke bichaare ro ba un bordam doktor! dar avaz Pascha aasheghe Transport Box e. tori ke ye moddate yeki ro gozaashtam vasate otagh paziraaii ba ye laahaafe garm o narm tush va ruzi chand saat mire un tu mikhaabe. maa behesh migim khuneye pascha. pasha dar tule ruz ye chand saat tu hamum ru zamin jelo shufaaj veloe va ye chand saat tu khunash. har az gaahi jaasho avaz mikone...havaa ke garmtar baashe ru takhte maa ru laahaaf ro ham dust dare. Pascha tanbale maast ke aasheghe jaahaaye garm o narme. kholaase mikhastam begam mamulan pashmak ro ke mibaram doktor ye transport box miyaram mizaaram tu raahro, pashmak ta mibinatesh dar mire va man ham donbaalesh tu khune az ye suraakhi daresh miyaaram o mikhaam bezaaramesh tu box ke mamulan tu un faasele pasha tush jaa-khosh karde! in daastaan ro ham shanbe khaahim dasht. Pashmak baz malum nist tu gushesh chi zade ke naaraahatesh mikone. diruz raftam az dokroresh davaaye shost-o-shu gereftam berizam tu gushesh. khodaa ro shokr majbur nabudam bebaramesh vagarna baz theatre dashtim inja..un boddo ghaaem sho o man donbaalesh.


Nagisa injast. Nagisa sor`atesh kheili paaiine. fekr konam in ye tarkibi az zendegiye irane ke mardom sobh ta shab mesle inja boddo boddo nadaran va shakhsiyate kkhodesh ke khun-sard o aarum o bikhiyal va...be nazare man kheili kheili sar-dar-gij e. ba nagisa ghadam-zadan ham taghriban divunam mikone! man ghadam-zadanam ham soratesh balatare.
Nagisa vaghti hamum mire bayad chand dafe sedaash konam vagarna yaadesh mire ke rafte dush begire va mishine tu vaan o ghargh mishe tu tafakkoraat! Nagisa kheili fekr mikone. bishtare zendegish tu zehnesh migzare! bazi vaghtaa delam mikhaad begiram tekunesh bedam o dad bezanam "PAASHO AZ KHAAB! PAAAAAAAASHO!" Nagisa vaghti labkhand mizane faghat khodeshe ke labkhandesho hes mikone!taze vaghti bekhande maa ye labkhandi mibinam. Nagisa adame fogholaade ehsaasaatiiye ke yaad gerefte ehsasatesho neshun nade!! che sakht! che naaraahat-konande! che bad!! intori joz kasaaii ke akhlaagh o tafakkor o darunesh ro mishnaasan kasi nemifahmatesh! az un adamhaa ham shayad shayad 3-4ta vojud dashte baashe!!

Nagisa kheili honarmande. nemikhaam benevisam ke che saabegheye honarii dare o cheghadr saresh mishe..kheili bishtar hessesh baraa honare ya sensitive budanesh baraa honare ke mano tahte taasir gharar mide. manzuram az honar ham hame jur chiziye ke beshe esme honar rush gozasht! az ax o ketab o naghashi o musik o sheer gerefte ta dar o divaar o memaari o aadamhaa! age man mesle nagisa honar saram mishod ye ravaanshenaase behtari mishodam! behtarin ravaanshenaashaa aadamhaaiyan ke menhaaye tu daneshgah ketaab khundan intuition va hesse honare baalaaii daran!! in ye vaagheiyate ke behesh imaan daram!
tu in 3hafteii ke Nagisa injast miduni chand ta theatre rafte? kheili! va chand ta bilite dige ham dare. behesh goftam ye operaii ke midunam khube ham bere ke bebine chejuriye. nagisa opera ta hala narafte va midunam ke khoshesh khaahad umad. havaa ke khub bashe mire birun o ax migire. az chi?! nemidunam! gaahi ke behem ba zogh -manzuram zoghe nagisaaiiye- ye ax ya ye musik neshun mide hoselam sar mire. man kheili chizaa ro nemifahmam! bishtare misukhaaye nagisa khastam nemikonan ali delamo migiran. tushun gham daran. afsordam mikonan. geryam migire. na inke nemifahmam cheghadr bahalan, balke nemikhaam gusheshun konam chon ghosse-dar misham bidalil. Nagisa vali mitune! va lezzat mibare.
kheili vaghte na jazz gush dadam va na jazz-bar raftam. CDhaaye jazz o blues o swing am ro ham kheili vaght pish ferestade budam baraa nagisa. midunestam bahashun bishtar az man haal mikone. inja ye jazzbar e kheili khoob hast ke gaahi ham open stage dare vaase amateur haa. nagisa mikhaad hatman emshab dige ye sar bere unja. shayad bahash raftam.